Sometimes, you just can’t find the funny…

This thing that I’m doing has led me through all the emotions at different times…but usually funny was in there somewhere.  Not tonight.  Tonight there just isn’t any funny to be found.

About a week ago, I was sent a profile from a friend of a friend.  Someone close to them was being scammed.  Like me, she is a widow.  I imagine she is also lonely.  And that she remembers the time when she had her person…and now lives every day without them.  And when you are lonely and sad, when you want something so badly, sometimes you will believe even when everyone tells you not to.  She wanted so badly to believe that he was real.  Tonight, I had to break her heart.

When I started this, it was funny.  And most of the time, it still is.  Men (I’m assuming) who barely speak English, attempting to woo me, with the goal to get money.  Weaving fabulous tales of nonsense, trying to see just how much they will accept.  Y’all, I was called a FOOLISH GOAT!!!  And that is amazing!!!

But there are times when I wish they were real.  Dr. Squishy and his “love” for me…I wish he was real.  The really hot picture guy…oh.  yes.  How I wish HE was real…..mmhmm.  Being a widow is fucking hard.  Harder, I think, as time goes by.  Here I am, not yet 40 (I’ve got just over 2 weeks…) and most nights, I am home alone with the kids.  And I love my kids- they are my life.  But it’s hard to not have a person.  Your own person.  I don’t have anyone to talk over my day with.  To air my frustrations.  Who is there just to hold me when I am sad.  No one there to play with on the weekends.  To have adventures with…or just to watch a movie with.  Someone to hold my hand.

There are nights when I just feel like I am going to crawl out of my own skin if I don’t get out of the house.  When my stomach is in knots at the thought of being alone for more minute, much less an eternity.  It weighs on you.  And you can make bad choices because you can’t stand another minute of it.   This page, which can fill hours of my time, sometimes makes it worse.  Because I’m seeing some of the worst that are out there.  Men who target widows.  Who specifically look for people like me- sad and lonely and vulnerable to making bad choices.  Luckily, the majority of my current bad choices involve online shopping and Target, but for some, that isn’t the case.

For the first time, when I was given a creepster profile, it wasn’t just a random one.  It was someone who specifically came to me for help.  It took the guy almost a week to respond to me but almost immediately, I was able to get enough from him to break her heart.   And to me, the worst part isn’t the money, or even that he never loved her, but that when her person does come around, will she actually trust him enough to let him be her person?  Will I, when the time comes?  I don’t know.

I’ve been struggling with being alone.  I really don’t think I was made to be single.    And yet here I am.  Single AF.   So breaking her heart, also broke mine.  I like the stories about people finding their person.  I like when someone goes through a world of shit but ends up with the happy ending.  I truly don’t understand the mindset of those who pull these types of scams.  How they live with themselves.  And after talking with my new friend, I hope that we both find not only what we are looking for, but also, what we need.

Are they on to me?!?

Y’all.   Things are slow.  Fewer requests and the ones I do get (or get sent to me) just are not responding anymore.  Or if they do respond, they are losing interest in me quickly.  What is a girl to do?!

I am strangely saddened by this.  Am I not likeable?  Am I not pretty enough for them? Am I not interesting enough?  Am I giving myself away?  WHY DON’T THE CREEPSTERS WANT ME ANYMORE?!?!   Don’t they know I am a lonely widow sitting at home by myself night after night, when the kids go to bed?!  I am RIPE for the scamster plucking!!!!

I might be a little too invested in this…..clearly I have issues.  Well meaning friends have assured me that the tax season is upon us and maybe that is the reason for the slow down.  But THEY are still getting requests.  And I’m jealous?!

After the initial overwhelming grief of losing a spouse fades, you are left with quiet.  You look to fill the time with something.  So what do you do when you aren’t quite ready to branch out into real things?  You find something entertaining to fill your time.  And this is beyond super fucking entertaining.  So what the hell?!  Also, your emotions are quite to be relied on.  You place a lot of importance on things that aren’t really that real- like saving the world from con artist trolls.  Dammit- I am TRYING to be the fucking Wonder Woman of Facebook here.  Someone needs to send that memo….STAT!  But really, it is a time filler.  A placeholder for real life.  Or it could be more.  Who knows.  I really enjoy the off the wall conversations I have.  I really enjoy sending someone off to Google bears when they are desperately trying to get me to send them a thousand dollars.  And I really enjoy putting a smile on my friend’s faces.  Making them laugh at my nonsense.  It helps fill that void of being alone.

I hope things pick up soon……I could use a good distraction or two right now.

https://www.facebook.com/andthenheblockedme/

 

 

 

The Adventures of Dr. Squishy…..yeah, we were rooting for him too….

If you don’t know who Dr. Squishy is, you probably need to visit us on the Facebook and catch up.  And then come back here.  Don’t forget to read about Darla and Squishy too- you need the WHOLE story!!  We will wait…….

……so now that you are caught up, you might be feeling a bit sad for ole Squish.  You might think that “Darla” was a bit harsh.  It’s not REALLY like I had sex with all the men for money.  It’s not like I really sent him the money I didn’t make not having sex with all the men….. I get it.  He really hung in there.  He called Darla a harlot, he tried to get the girls to make up, he professed his love like a champ.

I kind of liked him too…….WHAT?! Stop.  Just stop.   HOW COULD I LIKE HIM?!  I dunno.  I kind of did.  “You gonna take that harlots blood for my sake and our children sake!”  It’s like a movie.  He was just so darn sweet sometimes……and that is why I do this.  Exactly why I do it.  Because they can be sweet.  They can be convincing.  And they keep doing this BECAUSE people fall for it.  Because they make money doing this.  It works.

This was a request that was sent to a friend of mine who passed it on to me.  He has likely sent out how many other requests?  How many people delete…but how many respond?  I’m pretty sure Australia doesn’t force it’s doctors to go to war and holds their money away from them while they do.  I’m pretty sure that any man that loves you isn’t going to demand that you have sex with men for money.  I gave him chances to change his mind on that.  I also told him I made more than the $1000 he needed to see what he would tell me to do with the extra….of course he wanted it.

And creeps like this aren’t just the scamsters of the internet.  We run into guys that treat us like shit and then convince us it was because they love us all of the time.  And this isn’t to down guys- there are shitty guys and nice guys, there are shitty women and nice women.  But too often, we accept less than we should, because we want to be loved.  Because we are lonely.

Shit, I am a fucking widow before I am 40 years old.  THAT is fucking lonely.  To have your whole life plan in front of you and then have it taken away- at such a weird age.  Just when you should be all settled.  But losing my husband made me realize (yes, cue cliché here) how short life can be.  It made me reevaluate my life (yes, I know….I know….).  And it has made me live my life as ME, unapologetically, for the first time in a long time.  I don’t care that I am turning 40 in a few months.  I am going to wear the unicorn T-shirts.  I don’t care that I have birthed 4 children- if I want to rock a bikini, then I will.  I will let the kids stay up late and I will let my first grader wear makeup to school.  I will cuss and I will sing.  I will spend time with my friends and I will fall asleep on the couch watching movies with the kids.  I am going to live life on my terms.

And when I am feeling lonely at night, I WILL respond to the message requests of strangers…..telling outrageous lies for my own amusement…..trying to waste as much of their time as I possibly can.  And I won’t feel bad for doing it.

Except for maybe Rocky.  And Dr. Squishy.  “She is my first my now my last breath”

*SWOON*

Perspective…

Oh my holy.  Y’all, sometimes this is just exhausting.  I never did realize just how many widowed doctors with one child are helping out on the front lines of war.  Ladies, if I can give you one piece of advice, it might just be- don’t marry a doctor.  Because you will die.  And then he is gonna send your only child to boarding school and head off to save some soldiers who are fighting the good fight.  And then he is gonna try to find a new mama for your child off of some Facebook search.

I never planned to be a widow.  Obviously.  And when I knew that I was going to be one, I knew that at some point, after a million years off the market, I would have to date again.  And even when my husband was alive, I occasionally received the odd random message or friend request, easily deleted.  I should have, but didn’t realize that changing my relationship status to widow would open the floodgates to creepster messages.  But it did.  And at first, I continued to just delete them.  But being a widow is lonely.  And kind of boring sometimes.  So I responded to one, with the most ridiculous fucking nonsense I could come up with.   And it was fun.  It put a sparkle into my day.  And my friends thought that the end result was hilarious.  So I started responding to more and more of them.  And friends started sending me their requests.  And responding to the requests on their own.  I made a page to share them since so many friends wanted to share my posts.  And more people sent me their requests.

It’s sad how many scamsters are out there.  And it’s sad how many of them have the same tired story.  And it’s sad what nonsense they eat up, just to believe I might send them some money…..do they really think I’m gonna fuck Bud or Jim Bob down at the bowling alley?  In an alligator costume?  Just to get some money for them?  Yes.  Yes they do.

And the shit is funny.  There are times when I am talking with them that I cannot type, I am laughing too hard.  And knowing that while they are messaging with me, they aren’t messaging with anyone else, is satisfying.  But there are also times when it seriously starts to wear on you for a minute.   What drives a person to do these things?  Are they bad people?  Or desperate?  Does it matter?

They aren’t kind.  They are hurting those who don’t know better.  They are hurting those who have had bad experiences and do not wish to open up yet another creepy message from some random dude.  They ask and actually expect me to do awful things to be able to send them money.  And so, no matter what their motivations are, I will take the time to message with them, hopefully saving someone else the time and aggravation of having to delete yet another message.  And I will attempt to use humor to do so.  To entertain myself, and hopefully others.

I’m still not sure what I am doing with this whole blog thing.  I don’t know how to get the posts from Facebook to here without a whole lot of work or how they would look if I do…… so in the meantime, COME SEE ME ON FACEBOOK!!!

https://www.facebook.com/andthenheblockedme/